Whenever I feel like my world is crumbling down around me, my period usually starts a few days after. (First quotable quote of the year.) Today was not very eventful; I woke up with a crime scene on my bed (no need to justify–if you’re a girl you get the point, if you’re a guy you’re better off not knowing). So the conquer NYC plan has been postponed once again. Rats. Still, if the body cannot move the mind still can, and I read Sophie’s World for the second day (it’s 340 pages, and I stop and re-read interesting parts, so). This is my daily update:

  •      Faith
I read His word today. I try to do it everyday, as soon as I wake up. I still have problems concentrating so it’s difficult to meditate especially when I’m still drowsy, but I try. I am writing this hours after I read the Bible and can’t remember what I’ve read, but for the following days I’ll keep it my head longer. I hope this helps my memory a little bit. Two pigs with one bird. 😉
  •      Family
Talked to my sisters on Skype a few minutes ago. I love them and I am proud that they are proud of me, but sometimes I think that they don’t really understand me. They seem to be in denial more I am, and I am actually acknowledging this learning disability that I am being diagnosed with so that I can conquer it and use it for the good of others–something they find hard to understand. Sometimes I feel guilty that I cannot say these things to them, but it has always been this way for me. I find writing better because there are no quick comebacks, no discouraging comments that are from good intentions but are offensive all the same. I know that when they read this they will feel bad that I haven’t told them in person, and miss the message again that they don’t know how to listen to me. *sigh* More work to do on this area.
  •      Friends/Others
For the past few weeks I think I went through the “galit sa mundo” (hating the world) phase. ADD/ADHD, more than a learning disability, was a like a punch in the gut for me. I have been having constant vivid flashbacks these past few, especially during those times that other people weren’t so nice to me. From my mind’s eye I had a troubled childhood, having too many siblings before me and being too different from everybody else. I didn’t even know that I was harboring so much hurt and trauma from my childhood.
So I deactivated my Facebook and left all my previous contacts, composing mostly of classmates and childhood friends. I just couldn’t stand the thought that they were still in my system after all those years. I just had to get out. (Coincidentally, Augustana’s Boston is playing from Pandora. Teehee.) I know I have to let these things go. I will. In my own time. And with His help.

Exactly.

  •      School
This is going to be the last semester for my exchange studies here in the US. I’ve learned so much last fall, and I am really excited about this one. I know better, and I am looking forward to a more balanced study life now that I have this list.
  •      New things
Social media is a new thing for me right now. I mean, my mother would always say that we shouldn’t figuratively hang our laundry to dry where everybody sees it (a rough translation which doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless the laundry is composed of intimates), so the notion of posting constantly about my life is kind of radical coming from my upbringing. However, I am turning two scores in a few months and I am not getting any younger. I am a perfectionist is the sense that I don’t want people to do my biography wrong. My version may not always be closest to the truth according to society, but I am not a liar–I am a fictionist. So yes to social media, to starting my legacy at an early age.
  •      World/Events
This aspect also needs a lot of attention; I’ve been too focused on my pain that I have almost snubbed the recent storms and floods that took the lives of hundreds Filipinos. I recently discovered TED and PhilosophersNotes, and I am trying to get more wisdom from successful people before me so that I can make something good out of what I have and don’t have. More on this later, and please email me if you also have other suggestions.
  •      Surprise/Unknown

I didn’t know that I can be very hungry. This might sound lame for my first unknown entry but if you knew my past self you would understand. You see, I would always put food last on my daily list, and sometimes it’s not there at all because  the list is only a word: school. That sucks, I now realize, because nobody will take care of me the way only I can. And I have neglected me ever since I can remember. And everything is going to change this year. I will start by feeding myself well.

This will be a big shock for a lot of people. Sometimes even I feel overwhelmed by the changes in my life (that sounded like a song). However, I can’t go back to the me before the 8th of December, 2011. The strangeness has been named; and now it’s up to me to tame it. Life starts here.

Amen to that.

Advertisements