I won something + New blog (with my own domain!)

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Check out my music and poetry at pia besmonte. Thanks and see you there!

PS. I won something! Unexpected things make me sooo happy! Chek out The Ranting Chef!

Career path: Investigative (1st), Artistic (2nd)

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Let me begin by saying that my blog titles come from fragments of my memory (tapping myself on the shoulder for sounding so autobiographical). This title came from the NCAE (Flip equivalent of SATs), and it was the test I did best in during my (insert negative adjective here) high school years. Mostly because it was all about irrelevant information. But also because I wasn’t pressured to excel in it, since it didn’t reflect my grades. Which were average. (BTW, I will soon post a side essay on how smart should teachers be. MY IDEA. I kill you. Kidding, just my way of reminding–and committing–myself because of the dame ADD/ADHD.)

Anyways, I will tell you now that my resolve to continue this is slowly becoming weaker by the day (today is just the 3rd of January??). It seems to me that this commitment is quite heavy because it makes every single day more memorable, and it actually motivates me to write without thinking. Scratch that–to write without thinking too much about it that I don’t write anything in the end. But I think I’m getting a little bit better at this. And faster. (Another side story: the last post took THREE HOURS, plus other tabs and distractions, to finish.) I am also doing a daily video blog on YouTube, and taking a daily picture of myself (just to see how fast my hair grows back. Tee-hee!)

So, where was I again? Yep. The daily seven. Here goes:

  • Faith

Like I promised last time, I will try to remember what I read about His word for today. (For those of you who have a different way of worship or have beliefs different from mine, I hope that you should at least take this endeavor of mine as a memory exercise. I am not the sort of person who shoves my faith into other people but that doesn’t mean that I should not be proud of what I believe in.) I remember something about John the Baptist confirming that Jesus is the Son of God. I can’t remember anything else. Sorry. But I’ll try harder tomorrow.

  • Family

I wasn’t able to talk to my family today. My sister gave me a 4-minute call, asking about my finances. Not so good.

  • Friends

Reactivated my old Facebook account. Not to post anything for the people from my past (geez, I make them ALL sound like villains, and I haven’t even started my creative writing class for the spring semester!), but to figure out whom to invite to my new account. I used to be a very nice person; I wonder where she is now. I guess I just need some time to forgive and forget. Or to plan revenge. ūüėÄ

  • School

Last semester there were only four international students in BC, including me. Next week 80 will be arriving from all over the world! New additions to my international family!!!

  • New things

One word, actually surname: KANDINSKY. Went to the Gug museum with lovely Anna today and was blown away. I also saw works by Monet, Cezanne, and Picasso. Jess Santiago was right; I have become artsy since I got here. Theater and art aside from literature: pure bliss.

  • World/Events

Yahoo! used to be a good source of news, since it’s right there when I log out of my antique email. Now, though, the quality of their “news” have stooped too low for me, at least. I’m making a quick guess that their formula is fashion-healthy living-dating for girls, and politics-sports-bizaare for guys. It works, but it’s becoming stereotypical. Moving on to CNN/NYTimes etc. for my daily dose of world.

  • Unknown

Are bald girls still attractive? Depressed people couldn’t possibly hallucinate about guys checking them out at the museum, right? So I’m not depressed, and I’m not THAT ugly after all. I wasn’t actually dressed for the occasion earlier; I had on my bulky japanese university souvenir sweatshirt, faded jeans and sneakers on the coldest day the Lord has sent my way (no rhyme intended). I didn’t even have make-up on; I was too focused on the marvelous artworks. I still saw a few guys staring, though. And girls. And old, conservative women. Or maybe they just haven’t seen a bald Asian girl before (outside the Himalayan mountains). May lightning strike (put your sworn enemy’s name here) if I’m vain. There. (Sorry for the violent use of language. I’ll repent later.)

Sorry, no wise conclusions tonight. Am quite sleepy after downing a painkiller pill. Two days down, approximately two more weeks to go. I love being a woman.

Asking Mirrors

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Whenever I feel like my world is crumbling down around me, my period usually starts a few days after. (First quotable quote of the year.) Today was not very eventful; I woke up with a crime scene on my bed (no need to justify–if you’re a girl you get the point, if you’re a guy you’re better off not knowing). So the conquer NYC plan has been postponed once again. Rats. Still, if the body cannot move the mind still can, and I read Sophie’s World for the second day (it’s 340 pages, and I stop and re-read interesting parts, so). This is my daily update:

  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Faith
I read His word today. I try to do it everyday, as soon as I wake up. I still have problems concentrating so it’s difficult to meditate especially when I’m still drowsy, but I try. I am writing this hours after I read the Bible and can’t remember what I’ve read, but for the following days I’ll keep it my head longer. I hope this helps my memory a little bit. Two pigs with one bird. ūüėČ
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Family
Talked to my sisters on Skype a few minutes ago. I love them and I am proud that they are proud of me, but sometimes I think that they don’t really understand me. They seem to be in denial more I am, and I am actually acknowledging this learning disability that I am being diagnosed with so that I can conquer it and use it for the good of others–something they find hard to understand. Sometimes I feel guilty that I cannot say these things to them, but it has always been this way for me. I find writing better because there are no quick comebacks, no discouraging comments that are from good intentions but are offensive all the same. I know that when they read this they will feel bad that I haven’t told them in person, and miss the message again that they don’t know how to listen to me. *sigh* More work to do on this area.
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Friends/Others
For the past few weeks I think I went through the “galit sa mundo” (hating the world) phase. ADD/ADHD, more than a learning disability, was a like a punch in the gut for me. I have been having constant vivid flashbacks these past few, especially during those times that other people weren’t so nice to me. From my mind’s eye I had a troubled childhood, having too many siblings before me and being too different from everybody else. I didn’t even know that I was harboring so much hurt and trauma from my childhood.
So I deactivated my Facebook and left all my previous contacts, composing mostly of classmates and childhood friends. I just couldn’t stand the thought that they were still in my system after all those years. I just had to get out. (Coincidentally, Augustana’s Boston is playing from Pandora. Teehee.) I know I have to let these things go. I will. In my own time. And with His help.

Exactly.

  • ¬† ¬† ¬†School
This is going to be the last semester for my exchange studies here in the US. I’ve learned so much last fall, and I am really excited about this one. I know better, and I am looking forward to a more balanced study life now that I have this list.
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†New things
Social media is a new thing for me right now. I mean, my mother would always say that we shouldn’t figuratively hang our laundry to dry where everybody sees it (a rough translation which doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless the laundry is composed of intimates), so the notion of posting constantly about my life is kind of radical coming from my upbringing. However, I am turning two scores in a few months and I am not getting any younger. I am a perfectionist is the sense that I don’t want people to do my biography wrong. My version may not always be closest to the truth according to society, but I am not a liar–I am a fictionist. So yes to social media, to starting my legacy at an early age.
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†World/Events
This aspect also needs a lot of attention; I’ve been too focused on my pain that I have almost snubbed the recent storms and floods that took the lives of hundreds Filipinos. I recently discovered TED and PhilosophersNotes, and I am trying to get more wisdom from successful people before me so that I can make something good out of what I have and don’t have. More on this later, and please email me if you also have other suggestions.
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Surprise/Unknown

I didn’t know that I can be very hungry. This might sound lame for my first unknown entry but if you knew my past self you would understand. You see, I would always put food last on my daily list, and sometimes it’s not there at all because ¬†the list is only a word: school. That sucks, I now realize, because nobody will take care of me the way only I can. And I have neglected me ever since I can remember. And everything is going to change this year. I will start by feeding myself well.

This will be a big shock for a lot of people. Sometimes even I feel overwhelmed by the changes in my life (that sounded like a song). However, I can’t go back to the me before the 8th of December, 2011. The strangeness has been named; and now it’s up to me to tame it. Life starts here.

Amen to that.

The Daily Seven Starts

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2011 left me with a few wounds and a lot of life lessons; 2012 welcomed me with an idea that I want to carry out for the rest of the year, maybe even more if it goes well. I was born on the seventh month of the year (yes, like the Boy Who Was Responsible For My Myopia); seven is my favorite number; and this number comes up again and again in my life. I’m not Beyonce, but I can tell if the universe is trying to tell me something, even if the number itself doesn’t mean anything on its own.

So here I am, waiting for what kind of ADD/ADHD learning disability I have and planning for the next fortnight before my last semester here in the US, scratching my week-old, newly shaved head thinking about how to concretize this wonderful idea of mine. So I erased all my previous social media accounts and created new ones, the ones from where my legacy will begin (sometimes even I don’t believe I’m just 19), and created seven new ones: Google+, YouTube, WordPress, Twitter, Facebook, Yahoo! and Apple (soon!). The old ones were like the biblical wine bags for me–their histories make me feel safe and safe is not the best platform for creativity.

This blog will be about seven life aspects that I will nurture every single day (in no particular order):

  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Faith
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Family
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Friends/Others
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†School
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†New things
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†World/Events
  • ¬† ¬† ¬†Surprise/Unknown

In fifteen out of nineteen years, school was the only thing that mattered for me; level = Asian. Now that I am being diagnosed of a learning disability I actually felt as if everything has been taken away from me, and I started to realize how unbalanced my life was. I wasn’t a good daughter but my family accepted me and loved me and bugged me on my mobile phone and Skype; I had no friends and I had to ask my dorm’s guard to take my Halloween costume picture for me, a relative by marriage was the only one who sent me a card through the loneliest mailbox ever (picture later). I had nothing else; I left all my other dreams for something that I actually did wrong from the very beginning. (Sorry, residues of resentment; but it’s all better now trust me.)

Now I have absolutely nothing. But I realized that while I’m still breathing I can’t lose everything at once, because THERE’S ALWAYS SOMETHING I CAN GIVE. In my brokenness I didn’t see myself, but I found a way to first forgive and make peace with my past, and more importantly to help other people through telling my story. Because I finally have a story to tell.

I will be honest and tell you that I am not in my best shape. I have acne all over (from oversleeping and chocolates; define depression), I don’t have hair anymore, I suddenly disliked all the people from my past (including my family a little bit, but as I said I am making peace…slowly…); but I gotta start somewhere. And honestly I’ll never be perfect. Or ready. So might as well carry on with it.

I don’t have the right to ask anyone to read or follow this blog, but if you get something from this I would like to ask you to let me know. Otherwise I’ll get bored soon and this idea will be another one of those hanging in midair somewhere we don’t know. Email me. Thanks. Happy new year, and may life be kind to you.

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