I won something + New blog (with my own domain!)

Check out my music and poetry at pia besmonte. Thanks and see you there!

PS. I won something! Unexpected things make me sooo happy! Chek out The Ranting Chef!

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Career path: Investigative (1st), Artistic (2nd)

Let me begin by saying that my blog titles come from fragments of my memory (tapping myself on the shoulder for sounding so autobiographical). This title came from the NCAE (Flip equivalent of SATs), and it was the test I did best in during my (insert negative adjective here) high school years. Mostly because it was all about irrelevant information. But also because I wasn’t pressured to excel in it, since it didn’t reflect my grades. Which were average. (BTW, I will soon post a side essay on how smart should teachers be. MY IDEA. I kill you. Kidding, just my way of reminding–and committing–myself because of the dame ADD/ADHD.)

Anyways, I will tell you now that my resolve to continue this is slowly becoming weaker by the day (today is just the 3rd of January??). It seems to me that this commitment is quite heavy because it makes every single day more memorable, and it actually motivates me to write without thinking. Scratch that–to write without thinking too much about it that I don’t write anything in the end. But I think I’m getting a little bit better at this. And faster. (Another side story: the last post took THREE HOURS, plus other tabs and distractions, to finish.) I am also doing a daily video blog on YouTube, and taking a daily picture of myself (just to see how fast my hair grows back. Tee-hee!)

So, where was I again? Yep. The daily seven. Here goes:

• Faith

Like I promised last time, I will try to remember what I read about His word for today. (For those of you who have a different way of worship or have beliefs different from mine, I hope that you should at least take this endeavor of mine as a memory exercise. I am not the sort of person who shoves my faith into other people but that doesn’t mean that I should not be proud of what I believe in.) I remember something about John the Baptist confirming that Jesus is the Son of God. I can’t remember anything else. Sorry. But I’ll try harder tomorrow.

• Family

I wasn’t able to talk to my family today. My sister gave me a 4-minute call, asking about my finances. Not so good.

• Friends

Reactivated my old Facebook account. Not to post anything for the people from my past (geez, I make them ALL sound like villains, and I haven’t even started my creative writing class for the spring semester!), but to figure out whom to invite to my new account. I used to be a very nice person; I wonder where she is now. I guess I just need some time to forgive and forget. Or to plan revenge. 😀

• School

Last semester there were only four international students in BC, including me. Next week 80 will be arriving from all over the world! New additions to my international family!!!

• New things

One word, actually surname: KANDINSKY. Went to the Gug museum with lovely Anna today and was blown away. I also saw works by Monet, Cezanne, and Picasso. Jess Santiago was right; I have become artsy since I got here. Theater and art aside from literature: pure bliss.

• World/Events

Yahoo! used to be a good source of news, since it’s right there when I log out of my antique email. Now, though, the quality of their “news” have stooped too low for me, at least. I’m making a quick guess that their formula is fashion-healthy living-dating for girls, and politics-sports-bizaare for guys. It works, but it’s becoming stereotypical. Moving on to CNN/NYTimes etc. for my daily dose of world.

• Unknown

Are bald girls still attractive? Depressed people couldn’t possibly hallucinate about guys checking them out at the museum, right? So I’m not depressed, and I’m not THAT ugly after all. I wasn’t actually dressed for the occasion earlier; I had on my bulky japanese university souvenir sweatshirt, faded jeans and sneakers on the coldest day the Lord has sent my way (no rhyme intended). I didn’t even have make-up on; I was too focused on the marvelous artworks. I still saw a few guys staring, though. And girls. And old, conservative women. Or maybe they just haven’t seen a bald Asian girl before (outside the Himalayan mountains). May lightning strike (put your sworn enemy’s name here) if I’m vain. There. (Sorry for the violent use of language. I’ll repent later.)

Sorry, no wise conclusions tonight. Am quite sleepy after downing a painkiller pill. Two days down, approximately two more weeks to go. I love being a woman.

Asking Mirrors

Whenever I feel like my world is crumbling down around me, my period usually starts a few days after. (First quotable quote of the year.) Today was not very eventful; I woke up with a crime scene on my bed (no need to justify–if you’re a girl you get the point, if you’re a guy you’re better off not knowing). So the conquer NYC plan has been postponed once again. Rats. Still, if the body cannot move the mind still can, and I read Sophie’s World for the second day (it’s 340 pages, and I stop and re-read interesting parts, so). This is my daily update:

•      Faith

I read His word today. I try to do it everyday, as soon as I wake up. I still have problems concentrating so it’s difficult to meditate especially when I’m still drowsy, but I try. I am writing this hours after I read the Bible and can’t remember what I’ve read, but for the following days I’ll keep it my head longer. I hope this helps my memory a little bit. Two pigs with one bird. 😉

•      Family

Talked to my sisters on Skype a few minutes ago. I love them and I am proud that they are proud of me, but sometimes I think that they don’t really understand me. They seem to be in denial more I am, and I am actually acknowledging this learning disability that I am being diagnosed with so that I can conquer it and use it for the good of others–something they find hard to understand. Sometimes I feel guilty that I cannot say these things to them, but it has always been this way for me. I find writing better because there are no quick comebacks, no discouraging comments that are from good intentions but are offensive all the same. I know that when they read this they will feel bad that I haven’t told them in person, and miss the message again that they don’t know how to listen to me. *sigh* More work to do on this area.

•      Friends/Others

For the past few weeks I think I went through the “galit sa mundo” (hating the world) phase. ADD/ADHD, more than a learning disability, was a like a punch in the gut for me. I have been having constant vivid flashbacks these past few, especially during those times that other people weren’t so nice to me. From my mind’s eye I had a troubled childhood, having too many siblings before me and being too different from everybody else. I didn’t even know that I was harboring so much hurt and trauma from my childhood.

So I deactivated my Facebook and left all my previous contacts, composing mostly of classmates and childhood friends. I just couldn’t stand the thought that they were still in my system after all those years. I just had to get out. (Coincidentally, Augustana’s Boston is playing from Pandora. Teehee.) I know I have to let these things go. I will. In my own time. And with His help.

Exactly.

•      School

This is going to be the last semester for my exchange studies here in the US. I’ve learned so much last fall, and I am really excited about this one. I know better, and I am looking forward to a more balanced study life now that I have this list.

•      New things

Social media is a new thing for me right now. I mean, my mother would always say that we shouldn’t figuratively hang our laundry to dry where everybody sees it (a rough translation which doesn’t make a lot of sense, unless the laundry is composed of intimates), so the notion of posting constantly about my life is kind of radical coming from my upbringing. However, I am turning two scores in a few months and I am not getting any younger. I am a perfectionist is the sense that I don’t want people to do my biography wrong. My version may not always be closest to the truth according to society, but I am not a liar–I am a fictionist. So yes to social media, to starting my legacy at an early age.

•      World/Events

This aspect also needs a lot of attention; I’ve been too focused on my pain that I have almost snubbed the recent storms and floods that took the lives of hundreds Filipinos. I recently discovered TED and PhilosophersNotes, and I am trying to get more wisdom from successful people before me so that I can make something good out of what I have and don’t have. More on this later, and please email me if you also have other suggestions.

•      Surprise/Unknown

I didn’t know that I can be very hungry. This might sound lame for my first unknown entry but if you knew my past self you would understand. You see, I would always put food last on my daily list, and sometimes it’s not there at all because  the list is only a word: school. That sucks, I now realize, because nobody will take care of me the way only I can. And I have neglected me ever since I can remember. And everything is going to change this year. I will start by feeding myself well.

This will be a big shock for a lot of people. Sometimes even I feel overwhelmed by the changes in my life (that sounded like a song). However, I can’t go back to the me before the 8th of December, 2011. The strangeness has been named; and now it’s up to me to tame it. Life starts here.

Amen to that.